cut the cord already!

i get it....i finally understand. before i looked at mom's who cried on that first day of kindergarten or sobbed as their child left for summer camp and laughed at what weak women they are and how silly it is to cry. i mean, the kid is coming home after a half day of kindergarten, and who wouldn't want a summer of peace while your kid is annoying someone else?

but now i get it. I am going to be that mom. i know i will be because tonight is the first night that emerson is sleeping in her own room and it's killing me. i moved her hammock into her room earlier and then walked out of the room with tears in my eyes. i am such a sap. i was even playing the baby beatles lullabye cd while i rearranged things in there for her. and she was out in the livingroom with brad having a jolly old time while i listened to the baby instrumental version of "yesterday" and "i love her" with tear filled eyes, moving her furniture around to make it perfect for her tonight.

i thought she might have trouble sleeping in there tonight. maybe she would notice that she wasn't going to be sleeping in the same room as her mommy, or maybe she would sense that it just wasnt the same. ....she didnt..... she went right to sleep and hasnt made a peep since i put her down. she doesnt even care. she is ready for this teeny bit of independence...or at least, she is ignorant to it happening at all.

me? i'm a wreck! i keep going in and checking on her, to see if she is sleeping okay (she is in another room afterall!) and i keep checking to see if she is breathing. whereas when she was in my room, i would just look to see the rise and fall of her chest, now i dont trust that and i have to place my hand on her chest to feel her breathing....or maybe its just an excuse to touch her.

its time for me to go to bed now, and i just cant do it! i dont want to go into my empty room. i want to go cuddle up under her hammock or something. or just go rescue her from being alone and snuggle with her all night long in my bed. i miss her! it is so silly saying i miss her when she is just in the next room, but that is how i feel. :(

all this turmoil and she doesnt even know what is going on. she is fine with it all....just like the little kid is usually thrilled to go away to camp or finally move off to college, as mom is a sobbing mess. that mom is going to be me! i will be that slobbering puddle of mommy mush when she goes away to camp or college...while she looks at me and thinks to herself, "sheesh mom, cut the cord already!"

Merry Christmas, baby...

Well...we had emerson's first christmas. it was pretty uneventful...meaning, she didnt get all that excited for her presents. what a stinker. hehe. actually we knew she obviously wouldnt know what was going on so we didnt really get her much. nannie and grampy got her some books and some toys...and actually one is this little star toy that she likes to stare at a lot. we got her a bumbo seat with a tray, which she loves sitting in. i think she just really enjoys sitting up on her "own". my independent little munchkin :) and we got her some small toys and a book. i opened the gifts for her, while "dominic the italian christmas donkey" played in the background. she wasnt too interested but i showed each gift to her anyway. then in the afternoon she became the super fussy baby. eh...there are good day and there are bad days, and i guess christmas she just wasnt feeling a good day. heh. it made it difficult to cook dinner and clean the house for people coming over but i guess that is the essence of having a baby, right? i forgive her though, because with a face like this, how can you not???
and here she is trying to duke it out with santa!

and these are just some extra pics taken in the last few days. she is just so darn cute!

ROAR!!!!!

i finally showered!!

well, truth be told, i have showered since i had emerson, but today was the first day that i showered while she was napping, without anyone watching her. it was very bold of me. usually i assume she will wake up soon so i dont even get into the shower...but today i decided once she fell asleep that i was going to shower. i expected to come out of the shower to hear her screaming her head off but she was still sleeping. in fact, she slept long enough for me to get dressed and do my hair!

so i was all showered and ready to go by 1pm today...which is a feat in itself.....but it as snowing, and brad was sleeping, so i didnt go anywhere. rats. i had emerson dressed all cute too! and all i did was clean the house...which as needed but it definitely wasnt what i had in mind for today. oh well. maybe tomorrow!

i also have cute pictures to post that i took yesterday and today but i need to upload them first...

back with my baby!

after a grueling week back at work, i am sooo happy to be home again with emerson! being out of work for 8 weeks was rough...i didnt think i could be a stay at home mom. but having a full time job and being a new mom is ten thousand times harder. that was probably the most exhausting week of my life! i am happy to have 2 weeks off to spend with emerson again. i feel like i missed out on so much by not being with her during the day and when i got home at night i was just so tired i feel like i didnt give her as much attention as i should have. but now we have 2 weeks to re-bond :) i know she had a great time with her dad though because she loves playing with him. they run from zombies and fight the zombies, and she is a big fan of doing the soulja boy dance too. she is pretty good at it. she also knows the time warp dance and can often be seen doing the "butt" dance. she's very active. hehe. i will post a video of her dancing once i figure out how to post my videos. its hilarious.

anyway, here are some new pics of my little muffin. she just keeps getting cuter! hehe.

look nannie...i'm wearing all BROWN! (and i like dressing like my mommy in brown and green..hehe)

emerson is so excited she might just be doing the soulja boy dance...

looking cute in her new hat that nannie got her.

bathtime baby...

getting her hair washed...she loves being pampered. hehe

where's the baby??

this is what it takes to get a baby outside during winter in syracuse. although this little bundle of joy looks relatively content, don't be fooled! two seconds later she was screaming her head off...in fact, that's usually what she does after she is bundled up and put into her carseat. but pre- scream fest, she looks so darn cute all strapped in and bundled up :)

some extreme baby close ups! taken today.

oh christmas tree...

Emerson and Ophelia...while i decorated the tree!

my ornament for emerson (notice she has a blankie)

emerson's first ornament...this will be a snowbaby tradition.

so we put our christmas tree up last night. its a fake. shhhh...dont tell anyone. i swore i would never own one but i was determined to put up a tree yesterday and i didnt want to spend much money or get a large tree. i was all determined to go to crtiz farms, where you can chop your own tree down, and get a small tree there but yesterday was a big snow storm and that just didnt happen. luckily target is across the street and they had a 4.5 foot cute fake tree. its the exact size i wanted...it just isnt real. dont be fooled though about the cleanliness of it because even though it's fake, i've still had to vacuum twice already due to needles falling off! hehe...

anyway, i put up the tree and emerson wasn't too interested..but she did love looking at the tree afterwards. she thinks it's the most beautiful tree she has ever seen! and she loves her ornament on the tree too....

one week left!

before i start with the main blogging..i thought i would add a picture i took 2 days ago. i dont know why but i love this picture. she looks like a tiny little munchkin in it. it makes me want to squish her! :)

anyway, the countdown begins.....in one week i will be going back to work. i am glad to be able to get out of the house and not feel so stir crazy all the time.....but i am nervous about being gone from emerson all day long. i have a semi routine going with her during the day when we aren't going anywhere. we wake up, i change her and feed her. then we play for a few and then i put her in her playmat while i try to pee and eat breakfast. after she gets tummy time in the playmat and starts to get frustrated, i take her out and play with her again for a bit. then i put her in her bouncer to talk to the baby in the mirror. hehe. she loves this. when she starts to get cranky i put her in the swing, where she will fall asleep for about a half hour. when she wakes up, i change her and feed her again and usually get her dressed for the day. then we continue about our day and most of the routine is out the window at that point but i enjoy our mornings....i'm going to miss them when i am at work. she is happiest in the morning and i am going to miss it! however, i certainly can use some money again.

why cant i just bring her to work with me????